The exam feels very interesting. You prepare, you follow the instructions of your Sensei, plus every Sensei you meet. If you’re lucky, you’ll find your way so that you don’t get confused by controversial information, instead you find common elements and directions in them, and with this more complete vision, you’ll reach your narrow path to success.
Personally, my self-confidence was given by the amount of training, the commitment I put into it, often giving up on other activities. I couldn’t add more than that.
On the other hand, I trust my Sensei, if I follow his instructions, I will move in the right direction.
During training, you often have to talk to yourself:
– but do it
– it doesn’t matter if you’re tired, you have to train,
– it hurts, but I can still take it, just be more careful,
– I have to leave it out, but I’ll make up for it,
– I really can’t do this, but I will.
These conversations teach you a lot about yourself, you just have to pay attention.
You are waiting for the opportunity to do your exam, you finally have the date, the countdown starts, then the place and the things you need to pay. The organization and the calculation begin. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a team that will be with you on the trip. You distribute the tasks, you are grateful when they do something for you, because you have gained time for your life, since this is your hobby, because the order is given!
1. Family
2. Work
3. Hobby
Then the day comes, you set off. Excitement, travel, friends, atmosphere, the plane is late, the journey is long, walking… just moving forward. There is no time to waste on questions here, either.
The seminar begins, friends, Sensei, smiles, you are in place. People who understand what you do, what it takes, and what it entails. This is rare outside of the world of Budo. Sensei tells the group what they see and what they think is important. You try to take in, understand and identify everything. You’re happy to hear familiar things, it’s less panic-inducing.
Then comes the exam, the last point where you are all together, guided by one goal, you want the same thing…
The exam: a few minutes of perfect focus, looking back, it’s not a big price for the desired goal. To live the moment, to be there, to remember it… to be on time and space.
Then waiting for the result, you would be anxious or guessing the result, or just waiting. Everyone handles it differently.
It was the time when I realized that the majority would be those who do not have their number on the wall and that a few have their numbers there. We are no longer together. You look at the faces, some are happy, because their invested work has paid off, but in the first moments of joy, you see around you the many faces with whom you can no longer be one. You are extremists from that moment, due to some „angles”.
You receive the greetings from friends, acquaintances and less familiar faces. They just jump at you and celebrate with you. But those with whom you train, with whom you could have the closest connection, cannot be happy with you. You restrain yourself, your joy cannot burst out, because you are loyal to your team, you don’t want to hurt anyone.
The situation is uncomfortable. You look for a secluded corner, you have 1 minutes to be really happy. Then you go back and, in the meantime, you think, someone tore me away from mine, now how should you be with them? Who are you now? What has changed?
Then, a little further away, both in terms of kilometers and in spirit, you think that nothing has changed. There was a degree, there was a certificate.
But about what?
About performance.
How important is this?
Cook sensei always said that Iaido is a way to become a better person. This has led me on the road for many years, as there was room for improving myself and I can see the progress, but I do not see the end of my journey.
Here I will find out what the exam is worth and what it changes. You already know the technical points better and you had better luck than the majority. This is a very small part of the reason why you did not choose soccer or other success sports.
Now I feel much closer to everyone again and I can better see what my degree entitles me to… I thank you for my journey, with whom we travel together, thank you for the shared moments, you are closer to me, perhaps than ever, I feel smaller in the most positive sense than ever.
